songs in bold are explicit.

sappho - frankie cosmos // line without a hook - ricky montgomery // sunflower - rex orange county // me and my husband - mitski // portland - bowling shoes // manta rays - chloe moriondo // space girl - frances forever // baby hotline - jack stauber's micropop // rat - penelope scott // english love affair - 5 seconds of summer // michelle - sir chloe // hug all ur friends - cavetown // burning pile - mother mother // daddy issues - the neighbourhood // like you - PARK RD // as the world caves in - matt maltese // NEVER MET! - cmten + glitch gum 

//

for those who haven't been around since ~the beginning of time~, music is a big part of my life. i used to make playlists ALL THE TIME, it was to the point that people were bagging me to stop posting about my music taste.

it's almost the beginning of december. like, holy crap, where did the time go? it's almost the end of the year. 

//

school has been kicking my butt. however, i do have an exciting announcement! 

i'm going to be creating a youtube channel and i'm very excited. i plan on uploading my first video soon enough, probably next week or so. 

i'm also participating in nanowrimo this year and i'm very close to finishing! currently at 43k words out of 50k.

i hope yall are doing well <3

-kenzie

 lust 

wrapped together 

like two stems 

in a bushel of cherries 
and just as 
red 
just as sleek 

gluttony 
an insatiable craving 
an unfilled hunger 
always wanting 
more 
but never having 
enough 

greed 
i took king midas by the arm 
then snapped his bone in two 
quickly put his hand on ice 
i knew just what to do 
to claim his gold all to myself 
and all his riches too 

sloth 
a pond with two koi fish 
circling each other in an endless loop of 
“later” 
“not now” 
“after” 
the slowest whirlpool ever made 

wrath 
the inside of my mouth 
is as red as my vision 
teeth and hands 
clenched as tight 
as my body is wound 
i’m hurting no one but myself 

envy 
green eyes 
don’t like what they see 
green eyes 
relish in the view of defeat 
green eyes 
watch as they are sewn shut 

pride 
beauty is below the surface; 
lucifer was an angel 
the most beautiful of them all 
but his soul was selfish 
full of hubris and arrogance 
and that was his ultimate downfall  

///

i. haven't posted in so long. i keep telling myself i need to continue blogging but here i am, 100% forgetting to post. 

here's some life updates:

-i turned 16 on the 5th. wack, bro.

-yeah that's it, i can't think of anything else. 

///

tbh i'm kind of thinking of making a new blog? i know that sounds dumb but at the same time, it'll be a fresh start, yanno? 

anyway, that's enough of my ramblings for one day.

stay cool and stay alive,

-kenzie <3

 

athena. 

your mind 
and your tongue 
are the greatest weapons 
you’ll ever need 

artemis.  
you were born 
with silver in your veins 
so take aim 
and don’t hold back 

persephone. 
living in hell 
doesn’t make you 
any less 
of an angel  

hera. 
marriage is meant to be  
a lifelong relationship  
and the most important marriage  
will be with yourself  

demeter. 
take lessons from the harvest;  
even the smallest of seeds 
can flourish  
into beautiful trees  

aphrodite. 
your body is your armor  
your shield  
and your greatest weapon 
use it well 

rhea. 
like the tides out to sea  
you may crash  
before you can 
flow with ease 

hesita. 
sometimes  
you have to look 
beyond your four walls 
to find your way home  

//

a little known fact- i'm wiccan. one of my deities is aphrodite. originally i was going to write this poem about her specifically but it ended up being about multiple greek goddesses.

i don't have very much to post today, partially because it's late and partially because school has been kicking my butt ): i have the day off tomorrow though, so i'm going to make some posts and schedule them. 

i hope you guys are doing well <3

-kenzie

 

daffodil — rebirth & new beginnings
if i choose to believe in anything
 i will believe in tomorrow;

 

that tomorrow is coming
peony — compassion
embracing empathy
 is just as important
 and just as impactful
 as embracing another when they are in need of a friend
rose — love
there’s nothing i can say about love
 that hasn’t already been said

 

a thousand times in a thousand rhymes
 perhaps that’s what makes it so beautiful;

 

how universal it is, how complicated yet simple it is
sunflower — pure thoughts & dedication
repeat after me:
 ‘i will rise

 

despite the shadows that cover me
 despite the gray skies above

 

i will rise’
daisy — loyal love
once i have taken your hand
 it is mine to hold

 

the way flowers can rely on the sun and the rain to give them life
 you can rely on me to be in yours
amaryllis — worth beyond beauty
even if all of your petals fell, even if you began to shrivel up and wilt
 it wouldn’t change the fact that you’re still
 and always will be

 

someone’s favorite flower
someone’s favorite flower
tulip — declaration of love
i don’t tell you ‘i love you’
 because it’s nice to hear

 

i tell you because saying the words gives them life
 it makes them true

 

and nothing is more deserving to breathe than my love for you
hyacinth — constancy
if there’s one thing you can rely on, it’s you
 if the sun goes cold

 

or every last star in the galaxy burns out
or the moon falls from grace
  you’ll still have you

 

you’ll always have you
snapdragon — strength
think about every time you’ve fallen down
 and realize the one thing each moment has in common:
 you’ve gotten back up. 

--
i'm really into plants. (in case you couldn't tell, lol)
idk, they're just neat.
--
online learning is kicking my butt right now. and it's only the second week. it kinda sucks, but i'm very happy with how my classes turned out this year. (marine biology is my current favorite).
--
i can drive now. and let me tell you, i'm very scared. (lmao) i'm also turning 16 in a month and a half (!!!!!) which i'm also scared about. 
--

stay cool & stay alive, 

 

-kenzie

yay, kenzie posts that life updates post! woo!

--

 you see, like a flower in a sidewalk crack, you may appear to be stuck in difficult circumstance. but, like that flower, you can still grow in the environment where your roots have been planted. 

--

~i have a boyfriend. he's chill, and he really likes to cuddle me (with permission, of course. i have touch issues). we've been together since february.  also he really likes ramen, i gave him ramen the day schools closed because of covid because i thought it would be one of the last times i would see him, and he actually cried happy tears over a packet of instant ramen. (i'm actually facetiming him as i write this)

~i got a new therapist. i went without one for about a two years, even when i was at my lowest. but she's super nice, even though i can't see her in person. she understands how my brain works (yay, mental illness and trauma!) and is super supportive of me through everything. also, she once saw me on her for you page on tiktok. 

~i shaved off all my hair.. oops. do i regret it?  yes and no.

 

 

darling,

because the overuse of syllables sounds like goodbye creeping up your spine, like the last memory before goodnight has burned through every winter lost at sea. 

the earth has always been your broken heart, and though we look back in time and them stars, I’ve been looking for meaning in the eyes of strangers. 

I’m sorry for the hearts that I’ve broken looking for yours. 

I’m sorry for the lips I’ve promised rest to while fueling excuses to let go of the hands that weren’t yours.

always yours, never mine. 

always yours, never an umbrella to lighten your thoughts. 

I used to think we were growing wiser, but maybe we just stopped believe in our dreams, maybe every stop light is a clam that exercises forgiveness. 

I know I leave cement in the wake of your breaths, that every minute that silence passes is another ocean higher than the sunrises you’ve seen, but I can only hope that showing you all this will cure wounds that you don't want to share. 

one day when I’m old & time takes my memories, I hope it only erases the parts of my life that you weren’t in. ask my hands if they dream of you, and you’ll hear every airplane wish I’ve bled through these wrists. 

and I know I can’t fix you, but I will sure as hell love you like you’re not broken - thank you for making my life brighter.  

--

"kenzie! you said you'd stop posting super depressing poetry!" yeah, yeah, let me live.

it's so weird. one of the american girl blogs i followed when i was 10 just posted for the first time in so long. and it reminded me of my childhood and how american girl dolls and books were my escape from what seemed like the neverending abuse and yelling that happened in my household. and i have such vivid memories of a girl playing with her dolls to escape her world.

and that's on trauma coping mechanisms (,:

--

i plan on doing a life updates post soon, considering i constantly dip from the internet and no one knows where i go, lol.

stay cool & stay alive,

-kenzie

she feels like sunshine.
...
no.. not just that.
she feels like the moonlight upon my face..?
...
nope, not that either.

she feels like the feeling of coming home,
of hours with best friends,
of hearing your favorite song on the radio.
she feels familiar,
but also unpredictable.
she feels like what poetry sounds like
when it’s sung aloud in a quiet room.

all I hope is that
from me,
that she feels anything at all.

//

yeah, i abandoned this blog again. oopsie.

i really hope you guys are doing well. here's a poem i wrote about my first girlfriend- i'm bisexual, for those who don't know.

stay cool & stay alive,
-kenzie

I've always wanted to run away. You know, like how they do in cliché movies? Hopping on empty buses and trains with no concrete travel plan, to start a new life as a new person in a new city where no one knows one bit about me. I can be who I am, no filters, no need to fit in this mold that familiar faces have made for me. I've been too pushed inside a box wherein I do not fit in, plastered with labels of which I do not understand.

I am not meant to be here, I cannot and I refuse to stay. My feet are itching to wander off to places I have seen only in my dreams. My soul is eager to find peace from flickering lamp posts in unfamiliar alleyways with damp sidewalks. My eyes are yearning for the sight of the different city lights at midnight and the magnificent view of each city's skyline at dusk.

I am not afraid to leave all that I have behind, for a new adventure, a new place. I will always be craving for the unknown wonders that I have yet to see. The unfamiliar no longer frightens me.

Darling, I am sorry, but I am not one to 'settle down'.

// 

 

damn, i just. abandoned this blog? whoops. school and this quarantine thing have been kicking my butt. but i have some updates-

i have been experimenting with names and pronouns. for now, i'm going by kenzie and using they/them pronouns. this blog will also be a bit different now- still poems and such, but more nice and less depressing stuff. thank you guys for dealing with me this far, ily.

stay cool & stay alive,

kenzie