darling,

because the overuse of syllables sounds like goodbye creeping up your spine, like the last memory before goodnight has burned through every winter lost at sea. 

the earth has always been your broken heart, and though we look back in time and them stars, I’ve been looking for meaning in the eyes of strangers. 

I’m sorry for the hearts that I’ve broken looking for yours. 

I’m sorry for the lips I’ve promised rest to while fueling excuses to let go of the hands that weren’t yours.

always yours, never mine. 

always yours, never an umbrella to lighten your thoughts. 

I used to think we were growing wiser, but maybe we just stopped believe in our dreams, maybe every stop light is a clam that exercises forgiveness. 

I know I leave cement in the wake of your breaths, that every minute that silence passes is another ocean higher than the sunrises you’ve seen, but I can only hope that showing you all this will cure wounds that you don't want to share. 

one day when I’m old & time takes my memories, I hope it only erases the parts of my life that you weren’t in. ask my hands if they dream of you, and you’ll hear every airplane wish I’ve bled through these wrists. 

and I know I can’t fix you, but I will sure as hell love you like you’re not broken - thank you for making my life brighter.  

--

"kenzie! you said you'd stop posting super depressing poetry!" yeah, yeah, let me live.

it's so weird. one of the american girl blogs i followed when i was 10 just posted for the first time in so long. and it reminded me of my childhood and how american girl dolls and books were my escape from what seemed like the neverending abuse and yelling that happened in my household. and i have such vivid memories of a girl playing with her dolls to escape her world.

and that's on trauma coping mechanisms (,:

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i plan on doing a life updates post soon, considering i constantly dip from the internet and no one knows where i go, lol.

stay cool & stay alive,

-kenzie