hey everyone! happy new year! <3

todays post is, well, an obvious post, but first i have an apology to make:

i'm sorry i've disappeared from the blogging universe for a while, i 100% blame school. sadly, my winter break was cut short this schoolyear, because of online school. (my first day of break was last thursday, christmas eve.) we go back to school on monday, so i probably won't be able to post for a while again. i'm sorry i've been ia for so long, but this weekend i'll craft up a couple posts to schedule.

anyway, back to our regularly scheduled progamming!

today's post is a post i see lots of bloggers doing, which are new years resolutions and 2020 recaps. and because i'm not creative at all, i'm gonna be hopping on this bandwagon.

anyway, let's get started!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 2020 recap  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

2020 was. an eventful year, to say the least. i have to admit, it was a good year and a bad year. so much stuff happened, for better or for worse.

 

(^ from my most recent cosplay, i was ibuki mioda from the danganronpa series)

 lust 

wrapped together 

like two stems 

in a bushel of cherries 
and just as 
red 
just as sleek 

gluttony 
an insatiable craving 
an unfilled hunger 
always wanting 
more 
but never having 
enough 

greed 
i took king midas by the arm 
then snapped his bone in two 
quickly put his hand on ice 
i knew just what to do 
to claim his gold all to myself 
and all his riches too 

sloth 
a pond with two koi fish 
circling each other in an endless loop of 
“later” 
“not now” 
“after” 
the slowest whirlpool ever made 

wrath 
the inside of my mouth 
is as red as my vision 
teeth and hands 
clenched as tight 
as my body is wound 
i’m hurting no one but myself 

envy 
green eyes 
don’t like what they see 
green eyes 
relish in the view of defeat 
green eyes 
watch as they are sewn shut 

pride 
beauty is below the surface; 
lucifer was an angel 
the most beautiful of them all 
but his soul was selfish 
full of hubris and arrogance 
and that was his ultimate downfall  

///

i. haven't posted in so long. i keep telling myself i need to continue blogging but here i am, 100% forgetting to post. 

here's some life updates:

-i turned 16 on the 5th. wack, bro.

-yeah that's it, i can't think of anything else. 

///

tbh i'm kind of thinking of making a new blog? i know that sounds dumb but at the same time, it'll be a fresh start, yanno? 

anyway, that's enough of my ramblings for one day.

stay cool and stay alive,

-kenzie <3

yay, kenzie posts that life updates post! woo!

--

 you see, like a flower in a sidewalk crack, you may appear to be stuck in difficult circumstance. but, like that flower, you can still grow in the environment where your roots have been planted. 

--

~i have a boyfriend. he's chill, and he really likes to cuddle me (with permission, of course. i have touch issues). we've been together since february.  also he really likes ramen, i gave him ramen the day schools closed because of covid because i thought it would be one of the last times i would see him, and he actually cried happy tears over a packet of instant ramen. (i'm actually facetiming him as i write this)

~i got a new therapist. i went without one for about a two years, even when i was at my lowest. but she's super nice, even though i can't see her in person. she understands how my brain works (yay, mental illness and trauma!) and is super supportive of me through everything. also, she once saw me on her for you page on tiktok. 

~i shaved off all my hair.. oops. do i regret it?  yes and no.

 

~i've been drawing a lot recently. one day i'll do a sketchbook tour. one day. (watch as it never happens)

--

it's not easy to bloom through concrete and yet, you are. because you are strong. you have so much untapped potential, so much strength that you didn’t even know was there, and that is what will keep you going even when you feel like you cannot go anymore. you don’t even realize how strong you are without even trying. 

--

~i finally made a second playlist on spotify to listen to that has more.. updated, i guess?.. music. my main playlist was full of emo stuff i listened to in middle school. i don't really listen to that stuff anymore. but if you're interested, here's the playlist. 

~i'm going to be a sophomore in high school in a couple weeks. that's lowkey really scary, it feels like just yesterday i was a freshman wandering the empty halls trying to find the counseling office. (i never found it on my own, btw. i had to get a hall monitor to lead the way for me LMAO) sadly, i'm going to a new school, and my school is going to be online until the middle of january (,: 

~i've read SO many good books recently. my favorites right now are little universes by heather demitrios and we are the ants by shaun david hutchinson. quarantine gave me an excuse to reread all the books on my (currently overflowing) bookshelf.

~i'm slowly learning how to recover. it's going to take a while, of course. but trying is what counts, right? i've been learning other healthy coping mechanisms for my eating disorder, been put on new adhd/depression medication that seems to be working, and i'm almost two and a half years (!!!!) clean of self harm (biggest accomplishment)

~i have an etsy shop now!! i opened it a couple weeks ago, and i plan on adding more stuff. 85% of the money i get from my shop goes towards various mental health/blm/lgbtq organizations. here it is!! 

~i became a mod in a discord server! that's been taking up a lot of my time lol.

--

keep growing, little flower. keep growing.

--

let's talk!! what have you guys been up to? anything special? 

stay cool & stay alive,

-kenzie